Expatrifying sucks!
I've been living in Zurich for about 6 weeks now, and while I'd love to say that it's feeling like home - it's not. Actually, my apartment IS feeling a bit like home, so that's good. But the rest of it? Not so much.
I had hoped it would be easier the second time around - and by "it" I mean "expatrification." I remember the whole routine from last time: first you're really excited to be in your new country, then you begin to be overwhelmed with the new work and the new culture until you spiral into a state of depression; then you slowly begin to adjust, you pull out of the slump, and you finally emerge victorious.
I thought I'd go through some modified version of this, seeing as I've done it before IN ASIA, and this time I'm in arguably one of the best places in the world to live - Switzerland. Alas, I should have known better. Everyone was right - it's harder to adjust to Europe.
Actually, school isn't as hard to adjust to. TAS prepared me well for ZIS. The problem right now is motivation. I could keep up with the work just fine, and I have plenty of time to do it...if I could find one ounce of desire or energy to do it. I have a horrible habit of sitting at the computer and staring at it. I cannot for the life of me have an idea, or grade a paper, or read a story. It's so annoying.
While my only problem adjusting to school is a general lack of energy and motivation, adjusting socially is a different story. It is a lot more difficult to adjust to the social life here. I think part of it has to do with getting older. It's really hard to start over in a new country when you're single and 38. It's also hard when the community you've entered into is incredibly active. Like everyone mountain bikes (and when I say mountain bike, I mean on the Alps - not the Appalachian trail), kayaks on level 3 rapids, speed climbs glaciers, and runs marathons. I feel insecure about joining them because I know I can't keep up. And I feel insecure in the classroom because my brain is mush and I can't even find basic words like "analysis" or "literature" (not exaggerating) during lectures. And I feel insecure just standing next to people because they're all super fit and full of energy.
And then there's me, who suffers from inertia even when I'm NOT expatrifiying. But while I AM expatrifying? Well, let's put it this way, this object stays at rest even when it's in motion.
The annoying part is that I know exactly every single thing that is happening to me, and I know exactly why it's happening. Worst of all, I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. It is what it is, and I simply have to put one foot in front of the other until one day, the weight lifts, and things seem easy again. I am 100% sure that won't happen before October break, so I have 5 weeks to go. It's gonna be a long 5 weeks...very long.
I'm too tired to edit and revise this post, so I'm pretty sure that it's pretty shitty writing. Someday I'll look back at it an laugh, right? Actually, no I won't. I'll look back at it and say, "that's exactly why I'm not moving again." Moving to new countries sucks.
P.S. - I would like to add that absolutely everyone at the school has been incredibly kind and helpful, so my general malaise has nothing to do with that. The people are great. I just can't keep up with them - haha!! BUT that's also how I know I'll get through all of this - because the people here know that who I am right now is not really who I am, and they're calmly and supportively waiting for me to pull out of the expat slumber. 5 more weeks, people. 5 more weeks. (I hope!)
I had hoped it would be easier the second time around - and by "it" I mean "expatrification." I remember the whole routine from last time: first you're really excited to be in your new country, then you begin to be overwhelmed with the new work and the new culture until you spiral into a state of depression; then you slowly begin to adjust, you pull out of the slump, and you finally emerge victorious.
I thought I'd go through some modified version of this, seeing as I've done it before IN ASIA, and this time I'm in arguably one of the best places in the world to live - Switzerland. Alas, I should have known better. Everyone was right - it's harder to adjust to Europe.
Actually, school isn't as hard to adjust to. TAS prepared me well for ZIS. The problem right now is motivation. I could keep up with the work just fine, and I have plenty of time to do it...if I could find one ounce of desire or energy to do it. I have a horrible habit of sitting at the computer and staring at it. I cannot for the life of me have an idea, or grade a paper, or read a story. It's so annoying.
While my only problem adjusting to school is a general lack of energy and motivation, adjusting socially is a different story. It is a lot more difficult to adjust to the social life here. I think part of it has to do with getting older. It's really hard to start over in a new country when you're single and 38. It's also hard when the community you've entered into is incredibly active. Like everyone mountain bikes (and when I say mountain bike, I mean on the Alps - not the Appalachian trail), kayaks on level 3 rapids, speed climbs glaciers, and runs marathons. I feel insecure about joining them because I know I can't keep up. And I feel insecure in the classroom because my brain is mush and I can't even find basic words like "analysis" or "literature" (not exaggerating) during lectures. And I feel insecure just standing next to people because they're all super fit and full of energy.
And then there's me, who suffers from inertia even when I'm NOT expatrifiying. But while I AM expatrifying? Well, let's put it this way, this object stays at rest even when it's in motion.
The annoying part is that I know exactly every single thing that is happening to me, and I know exactly why it's happening. Worst of all, I know that there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. It is what it is, and I simply have to put one foot in front of the other until one day, the weight lifts, and things seem easy again. I am 100% sure that won't happen before October break, so I have 5 weeks to go. It's gonna be a long 5 weeks...very long.
I'm too tired to edit and revise this post, so I'm pretty sure that it's pretty shitty writing. Someday I'll look back at it an laugh, right? Actually, no I won't. I'll look back at it and say, "that's exactly why I'm not moving again." Moving to new countries sucks.
P.S. - I would like to add that absolutely everyone at the school has been incredibly kind and helpful, so my general malaise has nothing to do with that. The people are great. I just can't keep up with them - haha!! BUT that's also how I know I'll get through all of this - because the people here know that who I am right now is not really who I am, and they're calmly and supportively waiting for me to pull out of the expat slumber. 5 more weeks, people. 5 more weeks. (I hope!)
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